William Dudley Pelley

"'Bounty - the quicker picker upper.'"-Pelley, shortly before being sodomized by Shrek's eshrekt                                                   shaft.

The influential American writer who won 2 O. [Orgy] Henry awards and also an influential American fascist is another victim to be bastardized on this God-foresaken wiki. Read some shit nobody cares about below.

Birth: Shit's Fucked
Pelley was born to a pair of onion farmers in the village of Whogivesafuckville, Massachusetts. It is often theorized by Ithurtswhenipeestorians that onions were cemented in his blood, contributing to he and Shrek's extreme sexual attraction. During his birth, he was launched out of a window where he was stolen from that one cucumber kaffir from Veggietales or some shit. And thus, the corrupted seed was being raised by a mentally unstable guardian, further permanently fucking mankind.

Childhood: Shit Gets Worse [But slightly more moist]
Pelley was raised by the stupid fucking cucumber who I don't remember the name of for 43 years. On the 43rd year, aligning with gonorrhea worshipper requirements, in order to be considered a man, who would have to be dunked into a tank of pure gonorrhea and speak to God. However, something odd occurred during Pelley's ritual. The Godorrhea, disgusted with Pelley's opinion on The Mummy Returns starring Brendan Fraser, the Godorrhea called Pelley a jewmonger and then killed himself. Pelley spent the next few years hiding due to the Gonorrhea worshippers placing a bounty on his urethra.

Adulthood and Relationship with Shrek
It was while he was a fugitive he met Shrek - and the 2 almost immediately knew they were made for each other. Approximately 3 minutes after their first conversation, the sodomy began. A popular trick Shrek liked to show the citizens of New Orleans is where he would rip Pelley in half lengthwise through full shreksual intercourse and then rhythmically clap the 2 halves together, causing whoever is listening to do the "little dilly dance" and fucking die of a stroke. However, nothing good can last forever...

Death: Thank God it's fucking over
Finally, the nightmare came to an end thanks to a couple of time traveling ATF agents who had found Shrek's stockpile of weapons and meth-infused onions. Pelley was murdered in Shrek's sex dungeon by being shot 7 times in the urethra with a BFG .50, which he found extremely pleasurable. Shrek, after this incident, entered hibernation until 2019. Due to them killing such a disgusting motherfucker, the ATF agents were immediately promoted to saints by every fucking religious organization on Earth, including the Vatican and ISIS, even if ISIS didn't exist yet.